Friday, 21 May 2010

Written 16th May

Lately i have not been feeling particularly comfortable as a submissive and last night i worked out why. Yesterday a situation arose and i responded as any girlfriend would - i got angry and went home to get some space. But i feel that that wasn't how a submissive should react and i'm still working out what i should have done. When i was trying to calm down i had two opposing thoughts. The girlfriend knew she had every right to get mad a ther boyfriend. The submissive knew she shouldn't have reacted that way and wanted to apologise and make it up to her Master. The problem was that Sir Settiano reacted to the situation as a boyfriend would which has made the line between boyfriend/girlfriend and Master/submissiver become so blurry i no longer know where i stand. i think it has been happening for a while but i have only just noticed.

i feel like i want to be owned in every aspect of my life but at the moment Sir is only able to command my body. Don't get me wrong, i absolutely love Him being my Master in the bedroom as it were, but i want/need Him to be my Master in the rest of my life as well. i need Him to learn how to control my mind and my feelings as well as my body. i don't know how to help Him other than to let Him know how i feel (which is what i am doing now) but i need to feel as if i'm Him, not just know it.

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