Valentine's Day Part 1

W/we welcomed Valentine's day with Master's cock in my mouth. Sucking His cock is one of my all time favourite activities and this time was the top end of experiences. He gave me only one command and that was to please Him, which had been my intent anyway. It started with Him lying on His side then on His back with me licking His shaft, sucking on His balls and then seeing how much of Him i could get into my mouth and throat. After a while, He stood up and i continued bobbing my head up and down - i was in heaven. At about quarter past midnight, Sir came in my mouth and i swallowed it all down.

W/we rested a while, on the bed, me completely naked and Master wearing His boxers, just snuggling together. It wasn't long however, before i started grinding my pussy against His leg. When He realised what i was doing, He tensed His leg and moved so i couldn't get the pleasure i wanted, so my movements became much more with the thrusting. Master told me to imagine i was fucking a large dildo that was being held in place. This was when Master moved His leg away so i was fucking the air.

"you're such a slut."

"i know Sir."

"you know what?"

"That i'm a slut Sir"

"Who's slut?"

"i'm Your slut Sir."

He let me continue fucking the air for a while, constantly reminding me of what a slut i was. Eventually i started begging for Him to fuck me. i was soaking and just wanted/needed Him inside me. He said He was waiting for me to look completely desperate. Finally, after what seemed like forever to me, He pulled me onto my back, opened my legs and ... didn't enter me. No, He tortured me some more, making sure i could feel His cock so close to my pussy. And then He slammed it in. And He pounded and pounded me, grabbing my wrists and hair in the process - telling me what a slut i was and that i was His slut. i absolutely loved it and found myself begging for more and more and had to use a lot of effort not to make too much noise as my housemates were home. Just as Master was about to cum, He looked me in the eye and said "cum". i exploded on that word as i had been holding back until i had permission. It was fantastic and afterwards He held me and told me how well i'd done. i felt so proud of myself and happy that i'd pleased my Master. But that was just the first of many orgasms that day.

To be continued ...

Rules

W/we believe that part of the problem (where i'm not feeling submissive) is that i don't have many rules to follow. So Master Settiano has written a list of rules - most of which are for both of U/us to follow (He says it's unreasonable to expect me to do them if He is unwilling to Himself). The rules may be added to/ edited and as they are, i will update here.

The rules are:

1. Ask if you want something, don't push for it.
~ This is one of the hardest rules for me as i often feel that if i've asked for something then He is only doing it because i've asked. However, i am learning that just because i ask for something doesn't stop it being His decision.

2. If you don't understand, ask.

3. When you are ill or unable to complete a task, tell the other, because ten the rules may bend.

4. Look after yourself.

5. Create weekly goals for university.

6. Do one hour minimum of uni work a day, with exception to the weekend.

7. If you feel the task is unrealistic, inform Master.
~ This is because Master is still learning as well, and by letting Him know how i feel, He can make a decision whether i still have to do it or if He would rather change it.

8. If you are clubing without Master, text Him hourly when you are there.

9. Only 3 alcoholic drinks are allowed per night (only one of which may be a glass of wine) unless stated by Master.

10. Personal space is always needed. 2 hours minimum every other day apart from each other (excluding time at uni).

11. you must post in your blog at least once in every five days (1st -5th, 6th-10th etc). The 31st day of a month is an extra day in the following week.

In addition to these rules, Master has also written a list of what He wants from me. In His words:

I want someone who can Love and Submit.
I want someone who I can confide in and who can confide in Me.
I want someone who can care for me.
I want someone who can be used at My whim.
I want someone who I can Love and Care for.
I want someone who can make Me happy and laugh.
I want someone who can be Mine.

As you can see, most of the above points relate to O/our relationship generally and could be applied to almost any relationship. D/s is an integral part of O/our relationship but i feel much better knowing that my submission is not all He wants nor expects from me.

Since these rules have been written i feel much safer and more confident in my place as Settiano's submissive and although W/we still have a lot to work out in regards to O/our dominance and submission, i feel that W/we have taken a solid step towards O/our future together.

P.S. i'm going to be writing about O/our valentine's day soon!

The reason i haven't posted much of anything lately is simply because i just haven't been feeling that submissive lately. In my heart i know i want to show my Master how wonderful His submissive can be but in reality i'm finding it difficult to do anything submissive at all.

W/we don't know why i have been feeling like this and so it is very difficult for U/us to find a solution. i know that along with not feeling particularly submissive i have also not felt very owned. Logic tells me that Settiano owns me but i just cannot feel this at the moment - i have been tempted to misbehave just so i will get punishment and have been using all of my self-control to stop myself.

Not only am i feeling unowned and lost, but also guilty. i know i haven't done anything wrong so guilt is unnecessary. Yet it is still there - telling me that i am a rubbish submissive who doesn't deserve such a great Master, especially when i clearly need something that He cannot or doesn't know how to give.

In all, i am not in the best headspace at the moment so tried throwing myself into my uni work which left little time for much else. Now it has flipped and i now can't find the motivation to do anything; getting out of bed to type this was a struggle and i don't know how to stop this feeling of utter uselessness.

How we became W/we

The start of O/our relationship is possibly a little unusual for D/s as neither of U/us were looking for it. W/we met through the pagan society at university last year and immediately became good friends. However, W/we were the type of friends who make no extra effort to see each other so although W/we didn't start 'going out' until months after W/we first met; it was in reality only the third or fourth time that W/we saw each other before W/we realised W/we were meant to be together (or, O/our friends did and pushed U/us until W/we couldn't disagree).

W/we spent three amazing weeks in each other's constant company before i realised i wanted more - i wanted to give myself to Him and have Him own me. It should be mentioned here that i already knew about my fetishes of being bound and used like a slut. It wasn't until i met Settiano though that i finally understood the emotional side of submission (of course, i still don't understand it completely as it is an organic process in constant change and flux). Anyway, when i realised what i wanted i told Him 'i want You to own me'. This was very difficult as i knew i'd be worried that He was only doing it because i wanted it (this is what has happened in the past with previous boyfriends). W/we then spent four agonising weeks apart due to the summer holidays but during this time W/we kept in constant contact and W/we both did a lot of research into D/s as a lifestyle choice.

When W/we were together again W/we experimented a little but as W/we were both new to D/s it didn't work out as W/we'd hoped; so W/we decided to go back to vanilla with kinky sex for a while. Evetually the D/s crept back into O/our lives and on October 18th 2009 W/we realised that that is who W/we are - this was the date when i realised that i was ready to be His.

W/we are now moving into a new level of D/s with training sessions for specific things. This is why i have started this blog - i am ready to become the best possible slave for Master Settiano and need somewhere to document the changes (although i'm aware i'll never be the best as there'll always be more to learn).

And, just to be clear, Master Settiano isn't doing this because i want it as i feared He would. He has often said that i simply unleashed something that was already inside of Him but He didn't have an outlet before He found D/s. Even i am beginning to realise this as He is finding His way and style - i'm loving it and i love Him.