As i mentioned in my previous post, i have M.E. also known as C.F.S. Lately i have been going through a particularly bad phase where i rarely leave the house because i simply don't have the energy and standing for any period of time can be very painful. Through all this my Master has supported me and looked after me in a way that only love and devotion can cause. And i am ever so grateful to Him.
i have always been independant so having to rely on anyone has always been difficult. Yet i have learnt to accept Master's help. But still i often feel a failure as i am unable to serve in the way i feel i should. Master says it does not matter as He understands. But it matters to me as i feel i am unable to serve Him properly. He deserves someone who can cook and clean and give Him blowjobs on demand. And i can't always hive Him this. He says He wants me. But i need more than Him, i need to serve Him. Without it i am unfulfilled.
i am still His but i am finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that sometimes i need Him to care for me. i don't like being a burden. But equally i knwo that if i overdo it i will never recover enough to serve Him the way i dream.
2 months ago