Monday, 17 May 2010

Submission & Disability

As i mentioned in my previous post, i have M.E. also known as C.F.S. Lately i have been going through a particularly bad phase where i rarely leave the house because i simply don't have the energy and standing for any period of time can be very painful. Through all this my Master has supported me and looked after me in a way that only love and devotion can cause. And i am ever so grateful to Him.

i have always been independant so having to rely on anyone has always been difficult. Yet i have learnt to accept Master's help. But still i often feel a failure as i am unable to serve in the way i feel i should. Master says it does not matter as He understands. But it matters to me as i feel i am unable to serve Him properly. He deserves someone who can cook and clean and give Him blowjobs on demand. And i can't always hive Him this. He says He wants me. But i need more than Him, i need to serve Him. Without it i am unfulfilled.

i am still His but i am finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that sometimes i need Him to care for me. i don't like being a burden. But equally i knwo that if i overdo it i will never recover enough to serve Him the way i dream.


  1. Sorry that you're going through a tough phase but I doubt that he considers you a burden. Hope you get over this phase soon


  2. Thank you so much for your kind words. i know He doesn't see me as a burden but sometimes it just feels as if i am being a burden to Him as He has to make time to help me rather than just spending time with me.

  3. The most important thing is for you to feel better and take care of yourself and let him take care of you, as part of your submission and service to him. There's no shame in being physically unable to perform a task. Cooking and cleaning for him may seem like important acts, but actually, taking him at face value that you're NOT a burden to him is a deeper submission. Hope you feel better!

  4. Thank you for your kind words Bunny, they've really helped me to accept that i am not failing because i am disabled.