Rules

W/we believe that part of the problem (where i'm not feeling submissive) is that i don't have many rules to follow. So Master Settiano has written a list of rules - most of which are for both of U/us to follow (He says it's unreasonable to expect me to do them if He is unwilling to Himself). The rules may be added to/ edited and as they are, i will update here.

The rules are:

1. Ask if you want something, don't push for it.
~ This is one of the hardest rules for me as i often feel that if i've asked for something then He is only doing it because i've asked. However, i am learning that just because i ask for something doesn't stop it being His decision.

2. If you don't understand, ask.

3. When you are ill or unable to complete a task, tell the other, because ten the rules may bend.

4. Look after yourself.

5. Create weekly goals for university.

6. Do one hour minimum of uni work a day, with exception to the weekend.

7. If you feel the task is unrealistic, inform Master.
~ This is because Master is still learning as well, and by letting Him know how i feel, He can make a decision whether i still have to do it or if He would rather change it.

8. If you are clubing without Master, text Him hourly when you are there.

9. Only 3 alcoholic drinks are allowed per night (only one of which may be a glass of wine) unless stated by Master.

10. Personal space is always needed. 2 hours minimum every other day apart from each other (excluding time at uni).

11. you must post in your blog at least once in every five days (1st -5th, 6th-10th etc). The 31st day of a month is an extra day in the following week.

In addition to these rules, Master has also written a list of what He wants from me. In His words:

I want someone who can Love and Submit.
I want someone who I can confide in and who can confide in Me.
I want someone who can care for me.
I want someone who can be used at My whim.
I want someone who I can Love and Care for.
I want someone who can make Me happy and laugh.
I want someone who can be Mine.

As you can see, most of the above points relate to O/our relationship generally and could be applied to almost any relationship. D/s is an integral part of O/our relationship but i feel much better knowing that my submission is not all He wants nor expects from me.

Since these rules have been written i feel much safer and more confident in my place as Settiano's submissive and although W/we still have a lot to work out in regards to O/our dominance and submission, i feel that W/we have taken a solid step towards O/our future together.

P.S. i'm going to be writing about O/our valentine's day soon!

The reason i haven't posted much of anything lately is simply because i just haven't been feeling that submissive lately. In my heart i know i want to show my Master how wonderful His submissive can be but in reality i'm finding it difficult to do anything submissive at all.

W/we don't know why i have been feeling like this and so it is very difficult for U/us to find a solution. i know that along with not feeling particularly submissive i have also not felt very owned. Logic tells me that Settiano owns me but i just cannot feel this at the moment - i have been tempted to misbehave just so i will get punishment and have been using all of my self-control to stop myself.

Not only am i feeling unowned and lost, but also guilty. i know i haven't done anything wrong so guilt is unnecessary. Yet it is still there - telling me that i am a rubbish submissive who doesn't deserve such a great Master, especially when i clearly need something that He cannot or doesn't know how to give.

In all, i am not in the best headspace at the moment so tried throwing myself into my uni work which left little time for much else. Now it has flipped and i now can't find the motivation to do anything; getting out of bed to type this was a struggle and i don't know how to stop this feeling of utter uselessness.