Wednesday, 10 February 2010

The reason i haven't posted much of anything lately is simply because i just haven't been feeling that submissive lately. In my heart i know i want to show my Master how wonderful His submissive can be but in reality i'm finding it difficult to do anything submissive at all.

W/we don't know why i have been feeling like this and so it is very difficult for U/us to find a solution. i know that along with not feeling particularly submissive i have also not felt very owned. Logic tells me that Settiano owns me but i just cannot feel this at the moment - i have been tempted to misbehave just so i will get punishment and have been using all of my self-control to stop myself.

Not only am i feeling unowned and lost, but also guilty. i know i haven't done anything wrong so guilt is unnecessary. Yet it is still there - telling me that i am a rubbish submissive who doesn't deserve such a great Master, especially when i clearly need something that He cannot or doesn't know how to give.

In all, i am not in the best headspace at the moment so tried throwing myself into my uni work which left little time for much else. Now it has flipped and i now can't find the motivation to do anything; getting out of bed to type this was a struggle and i don't know how to stop this feeling of utter uselessness.

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    Hope you find your way. Good luck and hope you feel better about things very soon.

    Jayne xx