Thursday, 28 January 2010

Demanding and Needy

Yesterday i realised just how demanding i can be. Master had to do a lot of uni work for most of yesterday and i got really upset because, as He hadn't replied instantly to my messages and He had only been able to see me for less than an hour, it felt as if i was being abandoned and as if He didn't care. i know that He did care but had a lot on His mind. But it still stung that i wasn't His number one priority (even though it was just for a few hours).

Of course, once i realised how demanding and selfish i was being, i couldn't help feeling guilty. Surely it isn't my place to demand His attention? But that is who i am. i crave attention and that is probably the sole trait of little girlness (i have only just begun to relate to being a little girl though very rarely and not age play). Nothing in the world compares to how i feel when He says the two words 'good girl'. This is the attention i crave but i'm just as happy for Master to torture my tits (again, W/we have only just started exploring pain play so nothing like the torture in BDSM movies which, by the way, i find a real turn-off). But that's the problem - i need constant attention to keep me happy; but surely submission should be about being happy just by making Him happy (which i don't feel i'm doing by being so demanding and needing His attention constantly).

What i do know is i'm gld i'm not a dom as being demanding seems to be a trait of many subs and the one thing i can't stand is neediness - such a hypocrite, i know.

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